My oldest daughter Ellie is in second grade and she loves school. Her teacher has a system for keeping all the kids in line. If you misbehave in class you get what’s called a “violation ticket.” If you get too many tickets, then you have to miss out on recess, computer time, or some fun thing the class is doing.
Ellie is a little obsessed with this. Actually, she’s a lot obsessed. She has never gotten a ticket and she is proud of her perfect record. Which, to me, is a little worrisome. I worry what will happen when she does get a ticket and her record is blemished. Will she know that she’s still a good kid? It’s just a dad’s worry.
So the other day, we’re walking out here through the woods and talking about this, I say to her, “You know, Ellie, I would love you even if you got a ticket.” She said, “Oh Daddy. But you’ll love me more if I don’t.” And then I got to say the greatest thing a parent can say to their kid: “Ellie, look at me, I can’t love you any more and I can’t love you any less. I love you completely, whether you get a ticket or not.” And she giggled.
But then, just as she turned her head to continue walking, her expression subtly changed and I could see it. I could see in that moment she didn’t believe it.
My seven year-old daughter already knows that’s not how the world really works. Continue reading


